In a small town known as Kingstown, there was a bright charismatic young man named Nolly Prost. Nolly liked to read and write a lot but when it comes to talking, he would talk non-stop – 24-7. As a young man he always dreamt of be combing the Prime Minister of his country. He studied hard, went to university and even became a lawyer.
Nolly was not only a charismatic speaker, but he was also a cunning and crafty political activist. He joined and formed every political party until the people finally made him the Prime Minister. As soon as Nolly was sworn in as PM, his troubles began. The first thing he did was to buy a red car, and he registered it as PP #7. As time went by he started to say and do a lot of a foolish things. When his friends asked him why he was behaving so, he would say, “Comrade, uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.” He would park his PP anywhere.
Nolly who never drank anything but water and bitter lemon before, was now strong in the booze. His favourite liquor store was Gonsalves Wines and Liquors. Whenever he drinks and his head get bad, he would say, Comrade the power fly to me head and the voltage gone right through the PP, so for the fear of crashing, he would park his PP anywhere. Each time he parked badly, the COP would warn him; but he would simply say: “Officer, Kitchner was my mentor and he sang: “A GO PARK ME PP ANYWHERE”. So a doing likewise.
He would boast and brag about his PP. “Yo see me red PP? That is me red PP #7. That is me red PP #7. That represent me party, me and I. Yes I. I want to rule I destiny”. Nolly became so attached to his PP, so just like Michael in the Night Rider, Nolly would be calling and talking to his PP. on Saturdays, he would invite all the ladies to come and admire his PP. as usual when the power flies through Nolly’s head, the PP reflects the voltage. Nolly had a big problem though. At the height of his gyration, Nolly head does get too hot, just like when an old engine overheating, thus causing much line lost with little or no voltage reaching the PP. Nolly would be calling the PP but with all that overheating and line loss, the poor PP can’t move.
Before times when the PP not running as well as Nolly would want it to, he would take it to two old mechanic paddies, Via and Gra, and they would enhance his performance; but not even them can help Nolly now. They told Nolly to scrap the car and buy a new one; but like he believe in obeah, he would say: “Nah, is two things I can’t do without, red and #7. Invariably they would hear him mumbling; “The 7’s, the 7’s, The clash of The 7’s”.
In spite of the problems with his PP, Nolly would still brag and invite the ladies to admire his PP and while he can no longer take them for a ride, he would sit with them while he fondles and helps himself to repeated drinks of his favourite wines and liquors.
Many of his old friends began to get fed up with him. They say he not taking any advise and warned that one day “bucket a go a well, e buttom go drop out”. Some even say: “Moon does run till day catch um”. But what hurt most of them old people, however, especially the Adventists, is the amount of wine and liquor he does be drinking on a Saturday and at the Office at that. “Pickney way no hear way Muma say does drink hot water without sugar”. And it is just like them old people got goat mouth. One night, Nolly drank so much, that foreday morning, he had a serious hang –over. As he lay in bed contemplating, the power flew through his head and as if in remote control, he felt the voltage in the PP. It became overbearing, Nolly went downstairs to take a drink of Andrews Live Salts. There is where the real trouble started. The Andrews put a spark in him. He felt so reinvigorated that he decided to try the voltage in his PP. One turn of the key and the PP started. He raced the engine. The PP did not stall. He felt so happy that with the PP trottling, Nolly jumped out of the car and ran towards a Female Security Detail at the gate. He grabbed on to her, winning and licking all over.
The Officer was not amused, especially at that early hour in the morning. His approach was so robust that she started a dual shedding of tears, one in sympathy for Nolly and the other for the pain she suffered during the traumatic episode. As she sobbed and sobbed, Nolly, realizing the damage he had done, patted her on the shoulder. He gave a reassuring kiss and said: “Darling forgive me, I am so excited about the start of my PP#7, that I thought instead of you, it was my favourite drink of Gonsalves Wine and Liquors I was having.
The Officer was so traumatised, she did not know what to do. As part of her training, however, she had to make an entry and reported the matter to her boss. Being a Mama’s Girl, she called Mama, who was holidaying in Canada. When Mama got the news, she got on a plane immediately. When she got home, first thing she said: “Way this darm hip-hip big belly man day”? Daughter said: “Me hear e gone a England”.
“Come lay we go see the Commissioner, because me na satisfy, me nar teck um so”. When they went into the Commissioner’s Office, she said: “Me daughter tell me that PM Nolly Pross, sexually asualt and rape she, but me nar teck um so, me war fu hear way you have fo say, because me gwine a courts with um. Me nar teck um so. None tall”! The Commissioner was so shocked at the behavour of the irate mother, that he couldn’t avoid grinding his teeth, which he did throught the ordeal. At one stage she even asked him: “Whay yo a grind yo teeth so fa, you are a mill?” As he continued to grind, she carmly said, “alright Mr. Miller”.
Mama said that the Commissioner offered her daughter leave and said not to take Nolly to court. He even told her: “Rember Nolly is an old Criminal lawyer and a politician at that. That is a double liar. You would never win him”. He also told her that Nolly not only got the red PP but in court he has the real PP. That one is so skillful that Nolly dubbed him DPP”. He said: “Yo know what that means? Dangerous Public Prosecuter”. Mama told the Commissioner: “Me na kay how dangerous he be, a guine courts and a guine to the Human Rights first. At the Human Rights there is no payment. Them na like them other liars. You don’t know who are NDP from ULP. All they do, is teck yo money and lie”.
Mama and daughter went to the HR Association. Mama feel satisfied with the way they talk to her. They have a team of four lawyers, headed by an old veteran and according to Mama, his name suits him well. Emrey.
The HR Association filed a Private Criminal and a Civil Law Suit against Nolly, but everything Emrey did, the DPP blocking it. The HR said they will appeal all the way to the Privy Council. Mama she feels good about it but what is worrying her is that each time the DPP stop the case, he would say that he noll pross the case, so she wants to know if the PM and the courts are the same thing.
Nolly has a lot of fans and one of his greatest is Asta. Asta told Nolly not to blame the police, is NDP fabricate the lie against him. Man the NDP got mad, they say Nolly must step aside or they will boycott the Parliament. Nolly decided he was going to prove his strength. First he went on TV with his wife and all his best friends from the party including those with the burn hands. They all said that they backing the comrade and they singing from the same sang sheet. The Chancellor of the Party said if even he has to empty the Treasury to defend their Leader. They planned all kinds of Rape Raly and Pan Festivals all over the country. At the first Rape Fest they celebrated in Kingstown on a Sunday evening. A massive crowd. They brought people from all over the country. All man dressed up in red. NDP people, some of them so inquisitive, dressed up in red too. They want to hear comes. Nuff eats and drinks.
The Party Chancellor was also the Chairman. When PM Nolly arrived he was ushered in under the banner of pan music. The undercover NDP encouraging the band to play Rasum’s Pan Music: “Pum Pum Sweet” and as the steel rang out, Nolly shouted all the way, “Pum, Pum sweet”. When Nolly finally hit the stage; in a gesture of reassurance, the Chairman shouted: “Hip, Hip. Who tell he say that? Man the undercoverd NDP in all their red shouted: “Who rape?” Chairman: “Hip, Hip. The response again: “Who Rape”? The Chairman was not sure what he was hearing, repeated: “Hip,Hip”. The response was loud and clear: “Who rape?” On hearing that, Nolly shouted: “You see I’m innocent. It is Hip-Hip who rape, not me. However, as long as you remain my loyal subjects, we shall never again say Hip-Hip; neither will you ever ask, who rape”.
